when someone says, ‘he’s right over there, but don’t look now,’ i never do.
it is hard to gauge what people actually want versus what they expect from you.
i try to be easy but i’m not.
i try to be self-sufficient but i still seek validation from people i don’t trust.
i try to be a grown woman but my mom is sending me a box of tea in the mail because she worries about me.
i try not to think about a person who is far away but i think about him all the time.
i think about everyone else too.
we are lucky if we get one minute of quietness a day, and if we do, we never remember it.
i only remember the talking that i watch other mouths make at me.
i only remember the grime on the fingers of homeless people asking for change.
i only remember shaking my head and wringing my hands.
i only remember that i’m still comparing myself to the people who made fun of me in middle school.
i only remember telling him to choke me because we would both like it.
i don’t remember the silence but i think it’s supposed to be that way.
i reach for things after i notice they are across the room and i am too high to stand.
i reach in general because once again i am in desperate need of attention.
i categorize people into who i am avoiding and who i want to be the only person available for.
luckily, there are very few people left.
luckily, here we are.
yes, i am falling asleep alone tonight.
yes, i am here, how may i help.
no, thank you.
you are the new you in my poems.